The joy of the unknown.

We should all try new things to get things or experiences we have never had but more importantly to dispel myths that we tend to create for the world. By trying new things, we surprise and inform ourselves opening ourselves up to the abundance this universe has on offer.

I am writing a book. It’s an idea I have been playing with for years. I have started and stopped so many times, the minute I tell someone about it I am filled with fear to the point of paralysis.  I have lost so many edits because I just did not think them good enough. Any time I sit down to work on it I search for things that I have written before and upon reading them I think well that’s rubbish and then just move on doing something else. Being a seeker of the meaning of life and knowing that it begins with knowing thyself I believe that it is that which we fear most that we must do. In seeking the answers to life and getting to know yourself you come to understand that there is no end to this journey so while you may take some time off to do this, the work is never over. The challenge is in taking action as we learn, the most successful and fulfilled people in life are those who are not afraid to fail, those who take calculated risk and keep trying. When I say success, I do not mean financial success although that is what most people count as success, myself included.

Chasing a high salary has never been for me but I used to believe that this meant something was wrong with me, so I would look at those who I believed were happy because of all the money they were making but without understanding their struggle, motivation, and sacrifice. All this came to was me beating myself up for nothing, time wasting. I wish I could say that I am not motivated by money but I am in as much as it keeps a roof over my head and puts food in my belly and a little bit more to enable me to do things that bring happiness to me and those I hold dear. Which is the real reason why I could never fully commit to writing. It does not put money in my pocket. One day I had the crazy idea to change the way I looked at it, rather than being a vehicle that literally fed the body, writing became a fuel for the soul and mind. First with letter writing and journaling, then blogging and now actively working on my book and having my mind opened to other writing opportunities in this big glorious universe. All we need in this life is opportunity which we must seek for they rarely come calling. With this in mind and with my 40^th birthday looming I have decided to make a Forty before 40 list to broaden my experiences and network and give me more to write, talk and laugh about. I will share some (maybe all depending on where my mind takes me) of the list soon and invite anyone to do the same and share as well.  

When I sat at my desk this morning I had no idea what to write about but I showed up and created something it all began with intention, get your intentions right and the rest will come. Trust the process.

Big up a friend.

This morning I crossed paths with a friend doing the school run as I do almost every day. After we were done we continued to chat as we headed in the general directions of our homes we were deep in conversation so we decided to take the long way home and eventually ended up in a café because I really needed an ear. First of all I just want to say thank you to Preye (check out her amazing talent  on instagram @cakesbypreye) for being such an amazing friend and woman, she doesn’t get much time to herself but what she does have she was willing to spend listening to me and my ramblings. Secondly, not only does she listen but she tells me the truth of what she is hearing from me and she reminds me that I ought to start practising what I preach. I think so much about what I should be doing and I plan what I want to do so much that I convince myself that I am actually doing these things but I am clearly not. 

It’s easy for us to believe that we are the only ones ‘going through it,’ sharing helps because you have the benefit of gaining a different perspective and maybe even realising that its really not a problem it’s just life. No one has answers to everything you just have to work things out as you go along, but we must choose to be happy as we journey along. One great outcome of our conversation was realising how much we as individuals and a collective have to offer in providing the community and experiences that we want for our kids, which has perhaps birthed a new project for us that fills me with excitement, hope and nerves, all of which are signs that I am alive and therefore winning. With the only certainty in life being death we really should reach for the stars and welcome new experiences people and opportunities.

Focussing on what you don’t want or what is not going so well will only bring you more of that thing. I have never thought of myself as a 9 – 5 worker as I am just not the conventional office type but because that was all I ever thought about as regards work, so that is all I had ever done. Now that I am accepting who and where I am, I am beginning to create opportunities for myself that allow me to work more creatively and flexibly, Preye inspires me in this as she stepped out in her truth with faith and natural talent to create a business for herself that is flexible and brings happiness to herself and others.

 Focus on who you are to become who you are meant to be. 

The one I was waiting for was me.

For as long as I can remember I have been looking for someone to make things right for me. To open doors, hold my hand, tell me I was loved, tell me what to do and how to be fulfilled. Life provided some people to fulfil what I thought I wanted, I can attest to the fact that you do find what it is you are looking for, but I never felt quite complete and would keep searching without adapting my search technique. I was truly the mad woman who did the same thing expecting different outcomes, as I look back on my life I see repeat behaviours and experiences that sometimes brought me back full circle, knocked me back but thankfully not out. Life has been kind enough to allow me my mistakes, and there have been many, until I learned (I continue to learn) the lessons I need to be my best self. When you look to someone else to complete you what we normally don’t consider is that they too are looking for something, while you are looking for someone to take care of you and protect you from the world they may be looking for someone to control or may need protecting as well.  As I am the only one who knows what I really need to feel complete it follows that I should complete me and anyone else coming to the table is to add value, a different dynamic and for expansion purposes.

Comfort zones are very comfortable. My comfort zone was created to protect me from potential disappointment which has its roots in comparison, my go to reasoning is I will never be as talented/rich/slim as whoever so why even try. Instead of comparing myself to people it has been more helpful to understand that everyone has their own journey and talents, by appreciating traits and habits of people we admire we can change our lives. In a comfort zone, you know what to expect and know what you need to do to stay safe but I believe we are designed to want more out of life and at some point, we always want more or something different be it from work or play.  Fighting to stay in a comfort zone can become so uncomfortable we are forced out, we can be bolder and kinder to ourselves and not fight just step out into perceived danger zones which are thrilling and teach us much more keeping us growing. Comfort zones are identifiers of the limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves, mine was chaotic and dramatic, I believed that was just who I was and I didn’t deserve any peace and even in seeking peace by withdrawing, drama followed because I held on to the limiting belief of myself as chaotic. The minute I allowed myself to live drama free by changing my perspective and becoming more organised and purposeful things became calmer, simpler, and more focused.

I used to think wanting more and not being satisfied with what I had made me an ungrateful and covetous green-eyed monster.  Not wanting to be a monster I remained in a comfort zone with an unhealthy relationship with a lot of things in my life most significantly people, money, and myself this did not, however, stop me from wanting more and hating myself for not being able to lay my hands on more although I never gave much thought to what exactly what I wanted.  Understanding that in order to enjoy life more we have to be satisfied with and thankful for what we have did not come easily and it began with being accepting of the fact that I not only wanted more out of life but was deserving of more, I had to give thought to what it is I want out of life and why. I am grateful for all the people in my life and I am no longer in silent competition with anyone, the only person I compete with is me. I am being more open and honest in my relationship with money which I now see as an abundantly accessible tool for good.

Life is much more fun when you show up to your own party and are the best dance partner for you. When you are ready allow others to dance along with you.

Nature is a great educator.

Nature throws out lessons for free we just need to turn up to a class and appreciate it. I was looking at a plant I have on my windowsill and apologising to it (yes out loud) as I sometimes forget to water it, yet still it grows. So much so that it has outgrown its pot, some of its leaves have browned but for the most part it is flourishing and still a beautiful deep green, it is much fuller and does not look as manicured as it did when I first bought it. An option could be pruning it to keep it looking good in its little red pot, which I bought specifically for it but imagine how much bigger it could grow if I changed the pot and I took better care of it, keeping it in a small pot could also on the flipside be stunting its growth and killing it. There is no wrong option, it's more about intention. To make sure we choose the right option there needs to be a plan and clear alignment to intention. If there is no intention or goal, we are fighting a losing battle.

As we grow in life we outgrow situations and relationships. We can outgrow a job but stay there because we are afraid of the unknown or lack the confidence to step up. This is something that I have suffered, the job/career market can be a battlefield from applications/interviews to office politics. If we arm ourselves with knowledge, skills, courage and an army of mentors and encouragers it can and should be a supportive environment that helps us grow to give and be our best whatever our interests and skills. For a while, I was the Queen of leaving jobs because I thought I had outgrown them but what I didn’t have much of was a plan for how to get what I want and I had stopped believing that I could secure my dream career and even lost touch with what that was. I let life do the choosing which has left me right back where I started more than once, life has a way of bringing you back to square one as many times as you need to learn a lesson (as I write this I am having a revelation – mind excitedly blown).

I have a habit of going back to what is safe and familiar but in so doing I have been playing it small. My branches were growing wild, roots stunted and within no time I was banging my head against the proverbial wall and handing in resignations with no plan for how not to find myself here again. What I know would be more helpful is creating a supportive environment keeping the goal in mind and looking for opportunities to deepen my knowledge, expand my horizons, network and find mentors and encouragers or five to guide and cheer me on. Recognising your opportunities, mentors and guides is whole other post, they are easily missed and mistaken. The pruning I need is in the limiting beliefs I hold about my capabilities, mistrust of the “system”, and engaging in activities that do nothing to help me reach my goal.

I received an inspirational message from a friend this week that exemplifies the depth of lessons from nature. It was about the eagle and its potential to live 70 years, but it can only do this if it makes the bold life or death decision at 40 to undergo a gruelling 150-day process of transformation that involves it going through the pain of plucking out its beak feathers and talons and then wait for new ones to grow back. Change is scary and hard but necessary, imagine the joy when the hard work is done, picture the eagle soaring through the sky with his rejuvenated set of wings. That could be us if we just made the bold choice to do away with that which no longer serves us.

Today I pay respect to the trees that against all odds expand their network of roots beneath the concrete, in this hostile jungle us humans have created and stands majestically enabling us to breathe.

Get out there, breath, listen and learn.

Dance like no one is watching.

Dance like no one is watching…

But beware, someone always is.

Life is full of idiosyncrasies. We are told to dance/live like no one is watching but someone almost always is especially in this big brother age not to mention the big guy in the sky.

Walking down the street one day I lost myself to the music, which is not very unusual for me as music makes me lose control, always has and hopefully always will. I was so lost in the music I didn’t realise the dancing that was going on was not in my head until I heard cars honking and looked up to the of eyes of a bewildered driver who was enjoying the show, much to the annoyance of other drivers who had places to be. For a second I thought to myself I must contain this dancing beast, but to contain it just wouldn’t feel natural. Doing things that come naturally (and from a good place) keeps us alive and helps us attract more of the things we want from life and unfortunately or maybe fortunately sometimes things that we don’t desire or think of. I never thought my dancing could bring joy and cause road rage.

I am by nature an open trusting oversharer, in this case doing what came naturally has left me open, vulnerable and hurt but has also led to some of the most loving caring and fulfilling experiences of my life. Knowing how much to share and with whom is so important. When I came to the realisation that I judge other people and their actions it made me begin to assess myself and feel the need to control my own actions.  When I was not so wise I attempted to fit in and do what others were doing to gain acceptance even going against what felt right and healthy for me, when this got exhausting and I had lost touch with who I truly was I became paranoid and borderline recluse and I stopped dancing!! But it was a situation that I needed for my own personal growth and healing, most importantly it brought me closer to God who I now share everything with. Having a deep connection to a higher power gives you the freedom to be you and flourish while you do. Now that I am wiser I live my life for me by rules and standards that God has placed in my heart this has also brought amazing people into my life who I comfortable to be confident and insecure around and I dance everywhere - mind, body, and soul.

Big brother and little sister are watching you too. A couple of days ago, there was a story in the news about how our TVs could be spying on us. This didn’t surprise me, it simply served as a reminder that we are constantly being policed so we must be mindful of what we are putting out there and opening ourselves up to, people have lost jobs and acquired them posting things on social media. I hate the way Google and Facebook customize ads and friend suggestions based on previous searches, can’t I just cyberstalk in peace? While the Internet, technology and social media are wonderful tools for information, marketing, and communication we need to be aware of the darker side of them. Cyberbullying and grooming are just the tip of the iceberg of issues us 21^st century parents have to contend with. This brings me to the little brothers and sisters who are watching us. We have a duty to live our lives in a way that sets an example for those coming up behind us. I don’t ascribe to the do as I do not as I say school of thought, actions speak louder than words. Our kids are watching us, constantly! They see us glued to our screens and naturally gravitate towards that. It doesn’t take much to engage kids, I have impromptu kitchen and living room discos with mine where we dance like no one is watching. Sometimes life gets in the way and I forget to dance but they remind me and demand we dance, the joy I get from knowing I have passed on something good is indescribable.

I encourage you to find your rhythm and dance with those and that which you love.

Because I can.

“Because I can,” was the eloquent answer I gave to my son when he found me doing a headstand in the living room one afternoon. He accepted the answer no further questions and joined in, only he went one better and did a handstand and other show off kid contortionist moves. Being the people pleaser that I was I would often want to explain my actions which left me open to further questioning from other people and myself. Perhaps it’s my age, maturity and/or experience that has reunited me with a phrase that I have no doubt helped me navigate childhood. Those three simple powerful words with butterfly effects that have the potential to influence, inspire and affirm leave little room for questioning which allows me to just be.

I discovered a talent for telling stories in high school, most of my friends were mainly reading Sweet Valley High, Sweet Dreams, and Mills & Boon books, which I found so predictable (I was a Nancy Drew reader, not predictable at all, lol) and after butting in on a conversation about the oh so complex love lives of the characters in one of these novels I stated that I could write a better story. I had to come through, and I did. Armed with no more than a biro and an imagination I would spend any spare moment I had writing stories in exercise books and produced little novellas regularly, complete with book cover artwork and blurb on the back. I didn’t look for a course, seek guidance from anyone or doubt that I could do it.

At some point, I stopped sharing my stories and I don’t remember specifically why or when but I’m sure it had something to do with “growing up” and acting out a few mini dramas in real life.  I transitioned to journaling and keeping things to myself because life proved to be stranger than fiction and there was no way I was about to share that with the world. I can’t help but wonder however what may have happened if I had followed my passion and continued writing stories to share, maybe I would have written that bestseller and be a millionaire but I may have forfeited the amazing journey that has been my life. I love my journals they were and are my counsellor, confidant, and friend they are funny, thought-provoking and revealing. They represent the part of me that is trying to figure things out and I was still using a natural gift (bonus). The more insular I became the less I believed I in my creative writing skill and it lay dormant for years but now the beast has woken and I am ready to share again and all I need is my laptop and mind. The tools may be different and more refined but the agents of creativity and action remain the same.

Often, we focus on what we can’t do instead of doing what we can. I say doing what we can do, not thinking about what we can do, to create we must do. One great thing about creativity in action is that it produces results. If they are the results we desire, great, if not, great, either way, learn from the experience and do better, whether that means moving in a different direction or improving process to achieve excellence. Another great thing is that creativity comes in all shapes and sizes and we all have within us a unique set of gifts that have the potential to change lives.

As I inspired my child to shine even brighter (upside down!) than I ever could, so could you inspire someone else. A chain reaction of inspiration and creativity is something our world could benefit from right now.

Own YOUR labels...

... and love them.

No, I’m not talking D&G, Gucci, Louboutin, or George J that is perhaps a topic for another day. For the purposes of this post I’m talking about the labels we attach to ourselves, the words that define who we are, how we want to be known and why.

Many people put a great deal of thought into the names they give their children, others… not so much, I can think of many names that have had me widen my eyes and think well alright then, but hey if it works for them it works if not there is always deed poll. But I digress… Where I’m from the name given to a child can be based on various combinations of the following and more: the area and/or tribe they are from, the time of year they were born, circumstances surrounding their birth, their position in the family, the hopes and dreams parents have for their child or they may be named after a relative. People become their names and more importantly their labels.

My eldest son is named Jamal which is an Arabic name meaning beauty, he is a beautiful person inside and out. He KNOWS his name as a teacher of his found out when she insisted on calling him “Je-rh-mil” and after he attempted to correct her got sent out of class. When discussing the issue my child simply said “it’s just that is not my name.” I had to agree with him. Why would you let someone call you something you are not? I had a similar situation with my second child Talal (Arabic name meaning gift, and he is!) who in a discussion stated that he would no longer be accepting people calling him black because he is clearly brown. Both instances got me thinking about the importance of defining yourself, if you don’t know who you are how can you let other people know.

When I was a child I knew who I was. My name is Lumuni, meaning bright light, affectionately known as Lulu. I loved my name it is unique, I was unique, I could do anything because of my uniqueness I was happy, light and ready to conquer the world. But then people began to remix my name, I got called Lemontree, the moonie and more. At first I would correct people then I gave in and denounced the name telling everyone to just call me Lulu. This coupled with a few negative life experiences separated me from who I truly am. I let other people tell me who I was and learned to adapt myself to make sure other people were comfortable with me which got really uncomfortable for me. Thankfully, I have learned to do the work to find my way back. It’s not been easy and I am nowhere near done, self-improvement is a continuous process it keeps us alive. I can only change myself, I have had to listen to what I am saying to myself, change the script to support loving me which has changed the way I act, interact, and experience life for the better.

Labels I choose to attach to myself today are caring, loving, talented, Queen of my dance-floor. I have fun with my labels. I am still affectionately known as Lulu, I love being Lumuni and anyone who wishes to call me that must do so correctly, remixes kindly check yourself at the door.

Get back to being you. Listen to the names you are teaching the world to know you by. Change labels you don’t like keep ones you do. Be fabulous. Be you, because no one does you better. 

Smile

Smile.

It is free.

The benefits of smiling are endless. Ask Google, better still, try it yourself. Even fake smiling is beneficial, personally sometimes when I am feeling a bit glum or someone is trying to tell me something I have no business receiving I just begin to smile and I am transported to the magical and often elusive land of joy.

Smiling on the outside is easy, smiling on the inside can be a bit trickier and we could all do with a little help finding our inner smiles. An inside smile is anything that lets you know and feel that everything is ok. It gives you joy, makes you feel love, happiness, giddiness and reminds you what we all really know - all things good come from within. By sharing some of my life with anyone who reads this I hope to make you smile or at the very least encourage you to discover what makes you smile.

Have you ever played a game that only you know you are playing? I do… frequently. Sad? Perhaps, but it brings me so much joy. Testing life theories and laws of attraction gives me life! Walking down the street I just smile at passers-by and am always amazed and invigorated by the number of smiles that I get back and even the occasional “Hello, how are you,” shock, horror.  It’s the law of attraction at its best… let the world know what you want, act, believe and it shall be yours.

I had my kids play a game with me on the school run a few days ago. Before we left the house, I announced that I wanted to see red cars not just any red but a deep (flowerpot from my windowsill) red. Less than five minutes into our walk we saw four cars the exact colour I requested, in close succession. I’ll admit I was not really expecting it to happen for me so soon but when it did it filled me with a joy that I have not felt in a while and even the boys were in near hysteria and I was the cool ninja magician mum, for the minute, until I went into my lecture about the law of attraction and how anything we want we can have if we just believe – not sure how much of this was absorbed but they did ask if we could play on the way home, I of course agreed but told them to both think of car colours that they do not often see and set their intention of wanting to see that colour ready for 3.30.

Home time. No hellos, just colours shouted at me. “Purple!” “Yellow!” Game on! This time the universe was having fun with us purple umbrella, coat, buggy, lower half of a bus. Nothing yellow though and homeboy was chanting “yellow, come on yellow, yellow!” Then I remembered you must set your intentions/goals and let them go, believing that they will happen. So, I change the topic and sure enough, a couple of minutes later we see our first purple car! After some time in a shop we step out and parked right there on a side road is the most beautiful never-before-seen or noticed shade of purple car. We all burst out laughing to the amusement and bewilderment of fellow shoppers. Mr Yellow is not impressed for long, I can tell he is thinking about his delayed order so I send out a mother’s secret plea to the universe, “please come through so this child can understand how wonderful life is.”  Order placed we began playing our usual word association game after a few totally made up words TWO rare YELLOW “black” cabs drove past! This time we were jumping with glee.

We are sorcerers who can conjure up anything we want.

I encourage you to play and smile your way to a happier you.

© 2017