Age ain't nothing but a number.

Aaliyah was a wise one!

Sitting in my office I looked around and found myself swimming in a sea of youth. The more I thought about the age difference the less confident I became in my ability to swim and thus headed for the edge of the pool wondering if I should clamber out of the pool or silently sink to the bottom and give up. I began to feel old-ish and question what I had let myself in for when the wise words of a songstress who kept me dancing throughout the 90s and early noughties came to mind “Age ain’t nothing but a number”. After playing the song in my mind for a few minutes, mentally bobbing my head, I made the decision to pick up some arm bands swim back boldly into the midst of the pool, get to know my colleagues and the organisation I will be with for 3 months, learn something new and join the young’uns in this exciting adventure of finding our wings and soaring whilst making a difference in our community and getting paid for the privilege. Once I turned my fear and insecurity into positivity and gratitude everything began to make sense and I was happily back on the road to my goal to improve myself so that I can provide for my family and affect positive change in the lives of others.

Based on the lives of those who have been through this journey of life before us and the opinions of those who, deservedly or undeservedly, have influencing platforms general benchmarks of when we should have achieved job security, financial stability, wedded bliss, spiritual balance, mental clarity, maturity, self-actualization etc are set in our minds. As I make my way through life I am understanding that there is no set order in the way of things. Our paths are as unique as our fingerprints and this is where the beauty lies. While there is a wealth of knowledge to be gained from those who have gone before, the unknown, the new, the path less travelled have lessons aplenty that can flourish in ways that you never expected. I am learning new things daily working in this young hip office, adding to my qualifications and experience, I am able to share the knowledge that I have and it is a great networking opportunity for my life coaching business. It’s also helping me step out of a box that I did not fully realise I was operating within.

We can have as many plans as we want in life of how we want our lives to go and it is good to plan so that we can direct our efforts accordingly but life has a way of throwing bumps and deviations on our paths, not so much to halt us as to help us grow in the way that we need to. Trusting God’s plan/ the process/the Universe’s leading and being open to growth and change all while being grateful helps us realise that things are as they are meant to be, we have the power to change any situation we find ourselves in and it all begins with thoughts. Our thoughts create our realities. I should also mention that the way in which I came to be in this job is a little miracle which lets me know that it is truly meant for me.

Another great Aaliyah lyric - if at first, you don’t succeed, dust yourself off and try again. If you are reading this I can confirm that you are alive, therefore you can do and be whatever you want to be, all you have to do is try, life will make a way for you if you stay consistent in your efforts with contentment and gratitude in your heart.

If there is anything you think you cannot do because of your age, size, race, gender, economic status I challenge you to join me in proving yourself wrong until all your limiting beliefs are proved null and void.

The joy of the unknown.

We should all try new things to get things or experiences we have never had but more importantly to dispel myths that we tend to create for the world. By trying new things, we surprise and inform ourselves opening ourselves up to the abundance this universe has on offer.

I am writing a book. It’s an idea I have been playing with for years. I have started and stopped so many times, the minute I tell someone about it I am filled with fear to the point of paralysis.  I have lost so many edits because I just did not think them good enough. Any time I sit down to work on it I search for things that I have written before and upon reading them I think well that’s rubbish and then just move on doing something else. Being a seeker of the meaning of life and knowing that it begins with knowing thyself I believe that it is that which we fear most that we must do. In seeking the answers to life and getting to know yourself you come to understand that there is no end to this journey so while you may take some time off to do this, the work is never over. The challenge is in taking action as we learn, the most successful and fulfilled people in life are those who are not afraid to fail, those who take calculated risk and keep trying. When I say success, I do not mean financial success although that is what most people count as success, myself included.

Chasing a high salary has never been for me but I used to believe that this meant something was wrong with me, so I would look at those who I believed were happy because of all the money they were making but without understanding their struggle, motivation, and sacrifice. All this came to was me beating myself up for nothing, time wasting. I wish I could say that I am not motivated by money but I am in as much as it keeps a roof over my head and puts food in my belly and a little bit more to enable me to do things that bring happiness to me and those I hold dear. Which is the real reason why I could never fully commit to writing. It does not put money in my pocket. One day I had the crazy idea to change the way I looked at it, rather than being a vehicle that literally fed the body, writing became a fuel for the soul and mind. First with letter writing and journaling, then blogging and now actively working on my book and having my mind opened to other writing opportunities in this big glorious universe. All we need in this life is opportunity which we must seek for they rarely come calling. With this in mind and with my 40^th birthday looming I have decided to make a Forty before 40 list to broaden my experiences and network and give me more to write, talk and laugh about. I will share some (maybe all depending on where my mind takes me) of the list soon and invite anyone to do the same and share as well.  

When I sat at my desk this morning I had no idea what to write about but I showed up and created something it all began with intention, get your intentions right and the rest will come. Trust the process.

The one I was waiting for was me.

For as long as I can remember I have been looking for someone to make things right for me. To open doors, hold my hand, tell me I was loved, tell me what to do and how to be fulfilled. Life provided some people to fulfil what I thought I wanted, I can attest to the fact that you do find what it is you are looking for, but I never felt quite complete and would keep searching without adapting my search technique. I was truly the mad woman who did the same thing expecting different outcomes, as I look back on my life I see repeat behaviours and experiences that sometimes brought me back full circle, knocked me back but thankfully not out. Life has been kind enough to allow me my mistakes, and there have been many, until I learned (I continue to learn) the lessons I need to be my best self. When you look to someone else to complete you what we normally don’t consider is that they too are looking for something, while you are looking for someone to take care of you and protect you from the world they may be looking for someone to control or may need protecting as well.  As I am the only one who knows what I really need to feel complete it follows that I should complete me and anyone else coming to the table is to add value, a different dynamic and for expansion purposes.

Comfort zones are very comfortable. My comfort zone was created to protect me from potential disappointment which has its roots in comparison, my go to reasoning is I will never be as talented/rich/slim as whoever so why even try. Instead of comparing myself to people it has been more helpful to understand that everyone has their own journey and talents, by appreciating traits and habits of people we admire we can change our lives. In a comfort zone, you know what to expect and know what you need to do to stay safe but I believe we are designed to want more out of life and at some point, we always want more or something different be it from work or play.  Fighting to stay in a comfort zone can become so uncomfortable we are forced out, we can be bolder and kinder to ourselves and not fight just step out into perceived danger zones which are thrilling and teach us much more keeping us growing. Comfort zones are identifiers of the limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves, mine was chaotic and dramatic, I believed that was just who I was and I didn’t deserve any peace and even in seeking peace by withdrawing, drama followed because I held on to the limiting belief of myself as chaotic. The minute I allowed myself to live drama free by changing my perspective and becoming more organised and purposeful things became calmer, simpler, and more focused.

I used to think wanting more and not being satisfied with what I had made me an ungrateful and covetous green-eyed monster.  Not wanting to be a monster I remained in a comfort zone with an unhealthy relationship with a lot of things in my life most significantly people, money, and myself this did not, however, stop me from wanting more and hating myself for not being able to lay my hands on more although I never gave much thought to what exactly what I wanted.  Understanding that in order to enjoy life more we have to be satisfied with and thankful for what we have did not come easily and it began with being accepting of the fact that I not only wanted more out of life but was deserving of more, I had to give thought to what it is I want out of life and why. I am grateful for all the people in my life and I am no longer in silent competition with anyone, the only person I compete with is me. I am being more open and honest in my relationship with money which I now see as an abundantly accessible tool for good.

Life is much more fun when you show up to your own party and are the best dance partner for you. When you are ready allow others to dance along with you.

I’m a chameleon.

Where are you from? This is one of few questions that make me pause and conduct a quick assessment of the person asking to ascertain the best answer. While it shouldn’t matter where a person is from its evokes so many emotions in me it’s hard to describe, yet I constantly find myself asking the same question to try and figure a person out. Double standards are real and I would argue almost impossible to avoid, in certain situations.

I was born in Zambia but from a few months old I have moved countries, towns, schools, and jobs. Along the way, I have picked up different habits, personalities, accents, prejudices, and experiences. Apart from the one distinctive thing I cannot (and have never wanted to) change, my skin colour, I got so good at blending in people believed I was “one of them,” sadly when some found out I wasn’t I was treated differently. My blending in was something I did because I did not want to be different, thinking that my differences may make me somehow inferior or irrelevant, later in life I realised how wonderful it is to be different. Being different though does not mean that I don’t adapt according to the situation, my mum always tells me how amused she is that when I talk to her I am not quite as British-sounding as when I am talking to my siblings and some friends, she should hear me in a work situation or an interview! Variety and fluidity of identity and proud ownership of our differences give us the permission to just be. The minute you stop fighting the cards that you have been dealt in life and play with them amazing things happen.

I don’t speak my mother tongue fluently, not being brought up around extended family or other speakers made it difficult to learn. I could take the easy route and blame my parents for my inability to pick up the language but at this stage of my life I know better, it has been up to me for a long time to learn. Thankfully, my kids went to school in Zambia for a year where it has now become compulsory to study Chinyanja, their homework even used to challenge grandpa and grandma, but they enjoyed sharing with them and they can at least now exchange pleasantries in the language. Due to my chameleon ways, I do understand a few languages which is a bonus and I love sitting in a room with people who assume I don’t understand what they are talking about. The fact that I can’t pass my language on to my kids makes me sad and I encourage my husband to teach them his, Yoruba, and even tried to learn myself but have you ever tried to learn Yoruba from a book?? It’s not easy o. But knowing the discomfort it has caused me in my life I know I must try my best to help them learn the language. Learning a language gives you a better appreciation of the culture and yourself if you happen to come from that culture, everyone has something to gain from learning about different cultures. One thing missing in the world today is an understanding of differences, our differences unite us so it would do us good to expand our knowledge and stamp out hateful ignorance. There are some things that you can’t understand the true meaning of unless you speak the language such as the Yoruba proverbs my husband uses to encourage, reprimand or caution that leave me and the kids looking at each other like “Is he Ok?” 

A chameleon, whilst being unique in its ability to adapt will always be a chameleon, it may change its outward appearance but inside remains the same. As you grow you stop caring so much about why you are the way you are and just allow it to be if it’s not hurting anyone if it is trust that you have the power and wisdom to change it.

Be bold, be beautiful, be you. 

Google Map your life.

Goals are for reaching, then perfecting and exceeding.

You need to know where you are going in order to get there, this is the purpose of goal setting. It is useful to be aware of where you are coming from, but do not dwell on this too much as you may fall. If you are not trying to get somewhere… are you a tree? If you are you still need to grow, reach and blossom.

I was never much of a planner; I knew where I wanted to get to but did not pay much attention to the how and why. From my self-imposed misdirection, I now know that you must hold on to the why to access the how in order to keep the what within reach. I would often take my eye off the prize, forgetting that I was on a mission and then get frustrated when I find myself dizzy from walking around in circles. Google maps (GM) illustrates a very important lesson to me. It gets you where you need to go, with options. It lets you know how long it will take you to get there via different modes of transport and even the cost. Installed in every one of us lies a route planner awaiting instruction.

Before you set off on any journey you need to know your goal- where you are going. Knowing your destination, you need to figure out why you need to go there, realising that my failure to identify this as a significant factor in maintaining motivation has made my goals more achievable. I once did a couch to 5K which was difficult but I completed the programme and then went back to the couch. In the process of achieving my goal, I let my original why - to get fit for my health and to keep up with the kids. During the programme doubt, fear and mundanity took over, I had positive results in terms of fitness but the negative voice was louder and my goal changed to just finish the programme. I was happy that I had finished the programme and still count it as an achievement but as I skipped the perfection and exceeding stage I found myself back where I started. On the bright side now I’ve done it I know I can do it again.

You need to be aware of your location, how you got there does not matter so much - although it may determine how fast you need to move. In terms of my running, I was honest with myself and began my journey back to fitness with baby steps. Had I dwelt on how I had let myself go I probably never would have started.

While the general direction you must take may be apparent the real journey begins as you take the first step but you must remain focused and present to enjoy it, learn and grow as you go along. Guidance comes as you decide to move towards your goal, detours will appear but they are just that, detours. There is always a way back.

Activate your inner route planner and reach those goals, be honest about why you need to achieve them, when you do perfect them then surprise yourself and exceed them.

Make you excellent again!

PS: I am not an artist, I'm just making the best of what I've got.

Breaking up.

A Lulu Sanusi original …. Spoken word mixtape dropping soon.

I am breaking up with sugar

Because it makes me sad

At first it brings me so much joy

Then knocks me out with pain

It doesn’t know my name.

Since we became an item my body and mind

They’ve changed

This dependency, it’s killing me

I know I am to blame

I’ve been cheating on my size 8 frame

The truth is out, hooray I shout

I set me free

I create my destiny.

**Finger snaps**

I found this poem in a journal of mine. It made me LOL, then question my sanity, then appreciate the deepness and realise this can be applied to all types of relationships.

How much thought do we give to the relationships we decide to enter whether they be with other people, food, drink or material things. I personally don’t give it too much thought (or at least that’s what I thought until I started thinking about it) I’m a dive in and deal with the consequences as they come type of person. It has meant that I have had a lot of fixing to do, Olivia Pope would be so proud, I have often found myself in very awkward situations some very funny others not at all funny, because of relationships I should not be in or I should have amended.

It’s normally only when something goes wrong that I begin to question why I even know a person or needed to have that cup of coffee with sugar and a chocolate or muffin.  In trying to figure out the relationship game, life has taught me honesty is the best policy and it's mainly honesty with myself. When you enter any relationship it’s for a reason. You need to pay bills, you get a job or someone who can pay them for you. You feel lonely, you start talking to that person you walk past every day or you buy that chocolate fudge cake.  Know why you are going into a relationship, take responsibility for it and when things no longer feel right remove yourself or redefine it. I have stayed in relationships just so I don’t hurt others feelings but I was hurting me by not being authentic, now that I realise my worth I know it is much kinder to let things and people go graciously.

Human beings are funny things. We know what and who is not good for us but we keep holding on, hoping something or someone will change. As Maya Angelou, one of my personal sheroes said, “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.” The only thing we have control over is ourselves, how we act, react, show up and present ourselves. Self-mastery is what we are aiming for here people, and if you are not, what are you doing here? Seriously.

I am addicted to sugar and have been for a while. My relationship with sugar is that of a child to their comforter. It is my go to. I must either work on redefining my relationship or cut all ties, neither option will be easy. Sugar is everywhere… milk, bread, granola, wine, fruit juice … basically everything nice. A complete breakup is hard, but not breaking up may be harder especially as it affects my mental, emotional, and physical health. To redefine this relationship, I will take a break from “hardcore” sugar and seek comfort in human beings, I heard being social animals this can work for us, I shall choose wisely. Sometime in the future, sugar and I will be able to have a conversation maybe even laugh about old times but I know we can never go back to how it used to be because we will have moved on. I will let you know how this is going.

Be good to you, that is the most important relationship you have, it sets the tone for all other relationships in your life.

If you need advice or a human being in your life please feel free to mail me smilelifemgt@gmail.com

Own YOUR labels...

... and love them.

No, I’m not talking D&G, Gucci, Louboutin, or George J that is perhaps a topic for another day. For the purposes of this post I’m talking about the labels we attach to ourselves, the words that define who we are, how we want to be known and why.

Many people put a great deal of thought into the names they give their children, others… not so much, I can think of many names that have had me widen my eyes and think well alright then, but hey if it works for them it works if not there is always deed poll. But I digress… Where I’m from the name given to a child can be based on various combinations of the following and more: the area and/or tribe they are from, the time of year they were born, circumstances surrounding their birth, their position in the family, the hopes and dreams parents have for their child or they may be named after a relative. People become their names and more importantly their labels.

My eldest son is named Jamal which is an Arabic name meaning beauty, he is a beautiful person inside and out. He KNOWS his name as a teacher of his found out when she insisted on calling him “Je-rh-mil” and after he attempted to correct her got sent out of class. When discussing the issue my child simply said “it’s just that is not my name.” I had to agree with him. Why would you let someone call you something you are not? I had a similar situation with my second child Talal (Arabic name meaning gift, and he is!) who in a discussion stated that he would no longer be accepting people calling him black because he is clearly brown. Both instances got me thinking about the importance of defining yourself, if you don’t know who you are how can you let other people know.

When I was a child I knew who I was. My name is Lumuni, meaning bright light, affectionately known as Lulu. I loved my name it is unique, I was unique, I could do anything because of my uniqueness I was happy, light and ready to conquer the world. But then people began to remix my name, I got called Lemontree, the moonie and more. At first I would correct people then I gave in and denounced the name telling everyone to just call me Lulu. This coupled with a few negative life experiences separated me from who I truly am. I let other people tell me who I was and learned to adapt myself to make sure other people were comfortable with me which got really uncomfortable for me. Thankfully, I have learned to do the work to find my way back. It’s not been easy and I am nowhere near done, self-improvement is a continuous process it keeps us alive. I can only change myself, I have had to listen to what I am saying to myself, change the script to support loving me which has changed the way I act, interact, and experience life for the better.

Labels I choose to attach to myself today are caring, loving, talented, Queen of my dance-floor. I have fun with my labels. I am still affectionately known as Lulu, I love being Lumuni and anyone who wishes to call me that must do so correctly, remixes kindly check yourself at the door.

Get back to being you. Listen to the names you are teaching the world to know you by. Change labels you don’t like keep ones you do. Be fabulous. Be you, because no one does you better.